my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
