i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It was confusing and full of hummus
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
