Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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