anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
