Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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