Princesses don't give blow jobs
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Found your dick twin last night
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
