Me too!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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