I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
