Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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