a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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