If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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