Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
