When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
