your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
