life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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