Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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