i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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