and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize