i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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