i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
