My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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