when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
