So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you had me at cake vodka
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
