Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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