Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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