can u get pink eye on your cock?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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