I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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