I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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