Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
