I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
