Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
