I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
