She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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