You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
