How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
