you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Also, beer. Big fan.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
