Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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