Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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