are you so shy because you have an std?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We are all done wearing pants today
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
