I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
