It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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