I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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