This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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