I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
