Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
