The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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