So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
