you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
