Already got asked if we're dating
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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