her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
