can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
