She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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