garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
