btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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