She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
