You made me cry and you don't even care
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize