So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
