I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize