Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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