did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
