just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
