You made me cry and you don't even care
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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