Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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