Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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