i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
