hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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