We're facebook friends in real life
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
