Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
