M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize