Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
