I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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