3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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