According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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