Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
