can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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