I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
