Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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