Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize