You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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