i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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