I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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