none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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