Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize