Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
