Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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