I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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