I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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