The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
