We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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