yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
